Mike Pence as You’ve Never Seen Him

Everyone thinks Mike Pence is just a stooge. Nothing could be further from the truth! Which is why he allowed us to follow him around and document what he really does every day.

Fake Pence

“I really don't get very political,” says 52-year-old New Yorker Glen Pannell. He's in Times Square, holding a sign (“Mike Hot Pence Cares”) and wearing a suit jacket, tie, and blue short shorts—the ones he wore to gym class in the ’80s. After the election, Pannell didn't set out to impersonate the vice president per se. Rather, he wanted to create an alternative-reality Pence. A Pence who champions gay rights, supports refugees, and looks amazing in shorts. Up close Pannell looks less like Pence than he did in his first public appearance. He has killer quads, for one thing. And his trainer keeps telling him to eat more, to make his face look more Pence-ly. Just this morning he applied some Snow White hair whitener (“You get it when you purchase the ‘white middle-aged man’ makeup kit”) to enhance the effect. “I think it makes people hopeful,” he says, “that there's a universe where Mike Pence and Mike Hot Pence can co-exist.”

And where better to conjure that universe than Times Square? Mike Hot Pence patrols the Designated Activity Zones (where the Elmos roam) most weekends. He hops around in the shadow of a Statue of Liberty on stilts, trading pictures for donations to Planned Parenthood and other groups Pence opposes. Besides dressing like a sexy version of the veep and collecting money for the organizations VPOTUS seems intent on destroying, Pannell emphasizes he really doesn't go out of his way to “get political.” Sometimes, for example, he crosses paths with the Naked Cowboy, a noted Trump supporter and co-no-pants-er. They usually talk about the weather.


Checking in with Mother


Intelligence briefing


Prepping for NRA speech


The daily fluff


All-hands session

About These Clothes: Sports jackets represent the height of conservative menswear—and, of course, nobody's more conservative than this guy—but wearing one shouldn't turn you into a square. A snug fit, an interesting fabric, and a summery color will keep you from looking like a guy who finds Ed Sheeran just a little too edgy. The only downside is that they don't come with matching pants. Which means you'll either need to get creative with khakis, jeans, and trousers, or do like Mike and go pantsless.


White House mixer

This piece appeared in the June 2017 issue with the title “One Nation Under Pence.”

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